lisarinri's Xanga

I am Struggling...

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 05:29:50 GMT

It's just after midnight, my greek books are on my lap but I am not focused, I cannot concentrate. For I learned this evening of yet another engagement that has just occurred. This one between 2 classmates at DTS. I am happy for them. One of them started the same time as I did and what a blessing he has obtained.

I suppose you can say it is favor. But I struggle to understand why that favor has by-passed me. I imagine the proposal, like all the proposals I have learned of recently, a guy so enamored with this woman that he vows his love. He desires to just be with her and communicates this with a commitment and the physical demonstration of a diamond ring. He takes her places. He introduces her to his friends. It's a partnership.

I have not known this. I have been married twice but have not really known what it is like for a man to really love me. I have known selfishness, immaturity and unkindness. I often wonder if maybe there is something wrong with me. Perhaps I am not fit or worthy for that kind of love. I don't know. All I know is that I continue to believe God that He has heard my desperate cries to restore the years the locust have eaten, to supply that male head who looks to Christ as his head, to know the kind of love that a man that truly loves a woman will show, to finally have that good partnership.

I am weary and right now my heart is broken in what seems a million pieces. My faith is crushed and I am struggling to remain hopeful that God can bless even me. With a typical resoluteness to not get engulfed in bitterness, despair or spiritual apathy, I keep telling myself to just forge ahead. It's not a new scenario. When I was married I had to do that. Now I'm not and the battle continues. It's late, I'm ranting, struggling, tired and trying to keep hope alive. A miracle would be really great right about now.

Things I'll Never Understand

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:10:44 GMT

As hard as I've tried to wrap my head around these concepts, I still struggle. I imagine I will be adding on this list, but for now here are a few things I will never understand:

Thanksgiving vegan recipes
The fashion sense of wearing pants below the butt
Decaffeinated coffee
Calling a meal that's served at 1:00 pm dinner
Having more garnishings and plate space on a plate than actual food
Camping out overnight at a store to purchase something that can be brought at anytime for the same price

To be continued, I think....

A Pretty Dress, A Thought and A Wish

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:59:15 GMT

It does not take long for those that know me, to realize that I don't wear dresses. There's a reason for it. Well, I don't care much for them. I do own a few and may actually find myself in one at the peak of summer. But overall, I much more comfortable in pants.

So I think its kind of odd that every year as the Christmas season approaches and the stores begin their marketing ploys to lure consumers stock out on all the holiday trappings, I find myself suddenly interested in dresses. Not just any dress, but the velvet and gowns and taffeta and regal colors so representative of the season. I call them the "pretty dresses". The section that I normally bypass in the store the rest of the season, now captures my interest and my imagination.

For what I've come to realize is that it is not the pretty dress per se that I am interested in. No, it's what the dress represents. I imagine that purchaser and wearers of these dresses are the recipients of invitations to fun-filled and fancy galas with friends or family or even that special someone. They are fanciful times that so encapsulate the spirit and energy of the season and the pretty dress is but the hallmark of this time. How great it would be to put a pretty dress and join the festivities. I smile for a moment as I do every year. Then I realize that I have no need for a pretty dress, not this season. Maybe next year.

It also does occur to me that we all have our "pretty dresses", those symbols of a life or activities that our imagination will lead us to mistake for actual and lasting fulfillment. It's the things that leave a hole where we feel there ought to be some kind of material; those things that might make us feel better about life. But will it? The moments are fleeting, the joy temporary. Solomon, the writer of Ecclesiastes summed up wisely...its all vanity, nothing, nada. Only a heart at rest with eternal comfort of peace with God brought to us through the priceless gift of divine pardon can know true satisfaction.

So my wish is that as the holiday season approaches and I see the appealing presentations of pretty dresses, that I recall the more significant and weightier display of an infant who would forever secure the longings of wanting hearts with eternal peace and purpose. And that I consider his "pretty dresses" of human likeness, swadling clothes, blood stained strips and graves clothes that he wore to exchange my guilt for his gift of eternal life. And I ponder His continual advocacy on my behalf and the day of His triumphant appearance. It can only prompt me to say, the season is here!

"For He [God] rescued us from the dominion of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His dear son [Jesus], in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

He [Jesus] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation, for by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities-all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and In Him all things hold together" (Col 1:13-17)

That Crazy Chicken

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 01:03:34 GMT

Rey Reynoso, over on Theologica posted this humorous post on Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Here are some of the answers he posted.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

And some theological responses...

EASTERN ORTHODOX: Because it was going back to its original historical, traditional confession.

CALVINISTS: Because it was predestined before the foundation of the world to irresistibly be drawn to the beauty of the Other Side.

ARMINIANS: Because it fell from grace and it is impossible for it to stay on this side of the road.

PLYMOUTH BRETHREN: It was leaving the apostasy of the Chickens on This Side of the Road.

ECUMENICAL MOVEMENT: To meet with the Protestants on the Other Side.

DISPENSATIONALISTS: Because the Age on This Side had ended and God was saving it from the impending Wrath.

COVENANTALISTS: There are only Two Sides to the Road. By Faith its now on The Other Side.

A Chance Meeting

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 13:15:15 GMT

I normally do not go to chapel on Fridays. But yesterday Chuck Swindoll was speaking so I ducked out of work to go hear him. As I was leaving after to chapel to head back to work, I stopped at one of the benches to return a call from a friend I had not heard from in a long time. As I was dialing, who should come along but the man himself

She didn't answer and as I got up he had just left a couple of people. So I introduced myself and let him know about the significance of something he said at the end of one of his broadcasts at a crucial time in my Christian life that had so much to do with why I am at DTS. To be able to tell him that in person and walk with him for a minute as he talked about his time in New England, was really, really a treat.

It was a short exchange but it did highlight something in my thinking. We never know who we're going to meet. God in His providence can arrange encounters in our lives that can change courses of lives, for any type of situation...business, personal, ministry. And it can happen suddenly and unexpectedly. So we who follow Christ and find ourselves in places that need a hand up, a shifted direction or an infusion of something great need not fear. God is in control and can arrange that chance meeting, probably when we least expect it.

An Ode to Greek

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 02:54:39 GMT

I wrote this this evening. Apparently, I must be going a little mad.

A Greek Sonnet - How do I love thee? Let me count the ways by Lisa Robinson

(Modeled after Sonnet 43 by Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the voice and mood and tense

My verbs can reach, with English out of sight

For the case ends of nouns in many ways

I love thee to the level of adjectives

Most highest need, predicate and attributive

I love thee freely, as prepositions abound

I love thee purely, as translations resound

I love thee with parsings for every use

In paradigms and with declensions bemused

I love thee with sleep I seem to lose

With flash cards-I love my stack more than breath

Smiles, tears, of seminary life! And, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

Simple Studying

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:20:06 GMT

I spoke with some one the other day back in RI who believed that what I'm doing is studying scripture all day. Now she being a strong believer was happy about that. My first reaction though was, um well it's a little more than studying scripture. But when I thought about that in context of my current classes, I thought it really is about studying scripture all day although not in the manner she thought. So here it goes

Bible Study Methods/Hermeneutics: How to study the scriptures

Greek: Studying the scriptures in their original format

Intro to Theology: How others have studied the scriptures

Spiritual Life: the fruit of studying the scriptures

Research Orientation/Methods: How to find how to study the scriptures, how others have studied the scriptures, etc

AND SPIRITUAL FORMATION

Encouraging others to study the scripture and have them encourage you to study the scripture after a full day of learning how to study, how others have studied, the original format of studying and the fruit of studying.

So that's it in a nutshell...simple

I Ain't Afraid of No Ghost?

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 11:01:27 GMT

So I'm reading the book mentioned above for my Spiritual Life course, which is a required Pastoral Ministries department course. This book, written by DTS' founder, defines and explains the ministry of the Holy Spirit and has definitely had me reflecting on the cruciality of the work of the Spirit. It's also had me reflecting on those who would undermine or distort the role the Holy Spirit plays in creation, salvation and sanctification, especially non-trinitarians. I think it is significant that Jesus says the one unforgiveable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. What exactly does that mean, anyway? I hope to explore more and write about this topic in my Worship While its Warm blog when I get a chance.

But time now is at a premium. I wish I could say that book was the only one I was reading cuz its not. Its piling up and I am really trying to pace myself. I have my first greek exam on this coming Wednesday, which the prof has indicated will be a quiz on steroids. So far, I have done well on my quizzes but boy am I struggling with the translation. It's making me feel like El Stupido with the dunce cap . Hopefully, at some point the lightbulb will go off and I can join the ranks of the understanding....hopefully.

And what a treat its been to sit in Howard Hendricks class, with 149 others of course. To learn bible study methods from the master of it, is truly an honor. And man is he funny! And humble! No matter that he is such a legend, because what I see every Tuesday and Thursday is a guy who loves the Lord and His word, who just wants people to know Christ. Yes, it is an honor.

My First 2 Weeks

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 22:38:26 GMT

Well actually I'm in week 3 of school and boy is it piling up. Lots of reading. And then there is the daily intimate fellowship with greek. It gets so lonely when I don't pay attention to it, that it gets a tude and starts withdrawing itself from my head. It wants to be needed and well, feel special . So me and the greek are spending much time together.

I gotta say though, I love the profs. Not your typical graduate school lecturers, I don't think. It's funny when I hear the mention of graduate school because it just doesn't feel like graduate school. Well at least not in class. Of course when I get home and look at all the work I have, then it hits me...oh you're in graduate school. And I absolutely LOVE Chaplain Bill. What a vivacious soul with an attitude of infectious worship. Then he pulls his trumpet out during chapel and will spontaneously begin to play, during the music portion of course. It's great.

Oh and then I got to hear Chuck Swindoll in person the first week of chapel. As many years as I've listened to him on the radio, it was great to finally see him in person.

The afterschool situation has not quite worked out. But that's ok because I get to pick Christopher up from school each day and do some work at home, if need be.

So I'm off to finish my paper for Spiritual Life, which I have first thing in the morning. And what an awesome class to have first thing too. Prof Kuruvilla has a way of expounding on the glory, beauty and majesty of God in a way that really makes your heart melt before God and thank Him to be His.

DTS Countdown - The End

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 02:47:17 GMT

Or should I say, The Beginning because that's what it is. The beginning of a new direction, a glorious path with worship as the foundation. In evangelical circles, I think the word worship has been cheapened through a superficial association with tangible expressions, such as music or giving. But I believe worship goes much deeper than the act and starts at the heart. Worshipping God is about revering Him and placing our affection on Him so that everything else pales in comparison. It is a devotion that subjugates competing affections, relinquishes personal agendas and embraces the holiness, beauty and purpose of God. It is expression of love towards God through demonstrative actions that is much embodied in Romans 12:1, to offer ourselves as living sacrifices

And so my journey to DTS is much about worship. For I consider the deepening of biblical and theological understanding to have as its goal, a greater and deeper love, appreciation, and respect for the love and character of God, the work and person of Jesus Christ and the empowering attributes of the Holy Spirit. This goal is for myself and to foster in others through an adequate understanding of scripture, growth in community and encouragement to embrace the richness of our Christly inheritance.

It will not be easy. I have very much been struggling with my single status and especially being a single mother who has to handle everything single handedly. The juggling act can be difficult and tiring as is the operation of a dual mother/father role. I even learned today that the after-school situation is still tentative, which went a long way in reinforcing my personal challenge. But in the end, I believe this journey is worth it and my household will be the richer for it. Whatever is currently out of joint, I do believe that God can straighten out and make every provision, not for my convenience but for his glory. Who knows what the next 4 years and after will bring.

And so my countdown draws to a close and the rest of my life opens. I have already had one class this morning and will have 2 tomorrow. And I will most definitely post updates of life at DTS.